I can still remember the day I found out I was pregnant. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful spring morning. I had been working on my Avoxtar business plan for the last 3 months and it was finally done. I had made plans to go downtown to have some copies made and drop it off at the business center for final review. As I stared at my logo on my presentation page I took a deep breath and felt a tremendous sense of personal accomplishment. It seemed as though all my struggles as a starving University student and all my sacrifices as a career driven girl in IT were finally behind me and I would be free to work from home on my own terms. I was full of hope and ambition. I was 29 and felt unstoppable.
Francis popped his head into my home-office and smiled. -Are you ready to take the test? he said. I was ready, and I wasn’t.
Time seemed to stand still. Francis nervously went into the kitchen to make breakfast and I was alone with my thoughts. I looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. Little did I know it would be the last time I would see this version of my self.
So? Is it ready? Francis came into the bathroom with a spatula in his hand. Not yet. We both giggled uncontrollably. It seemed odd that this insignificant little plastic device would herald so much change in our lives. No, not the spatula… the pregnancy test. We both stared at it and watched as a faint line became a solid one. When the line transformed into a tiny pink plus sign we both became overwhelmed with joy. Suddenly two, became three. Francis dropped to one knee to propose to me and we made a promise to spend the rest of our lives together as a family.
It seemed surreal to think that I had just become a mother. I looked at my face in the mirror and saw a stranger there. I saw myself as a child, then as a teen but the young woman smiling back at me was a mom! I knew then and there that being a woman is truly a gift and I felt, for the first time in my life, that I was part of something bigger than myself. I felt connected to the Universe. It was a part of me and I was a part of it and there was no separation. What an awesome feeling.
I knew then and there, that I had crossed over a threshold and that my life would forever be changed. I felt no fear, only endless joy and an overwhelming feeling of love for the little person living inside me. Really, words can’t describe how I felt. I was love and light. I was endless and timeless and whole and happy.
A minute before, I had felt confident that I could be the successful entrepreneur and mother type. No sweat! I had mused. I’m an awesome multi-tasker, a self-starter a force to be reckoned with! But now, I was a mother. Une maman. A mom. For real. Every single one of my priorities changed in a heartbeat. Suddenly, I couldn’t have cared less about my business plan or my business.
Clearly, my overachieving brain was not prepared for these illogical thoughts. I had no idea that my heart would start vibrating at a different frequency, make a 180 degree turn and take me into a new, exciting and uncharted life path. But my mind was no match for these powerful maternal instincts. For the first time in my young life, I felt truly alive and I knew my purpose in the world.
