When opportunity knocks, open the door.

UPDATE!

I am now on WAVE! Warm thanks to Cengiz for sending an invite my way. I am just blown away by the kindness that has come my way since this event. Thanks to all the Google enthusiasts who contacted me to offer me a Wave invite. You make the world a better place!

Giving

This morning was a day like any other. I happily drove my son to school and made my way to the school kitchen where I volunteer. I serve a free breakfast to the kids who don’t get breakfast at home. I’m also President (volunteer) of our school’s Foundation and I’m responsible for finding volunteers and raising funds for our school. We need money to serve breakfast, money for snow suits for kids who have none and we also need money to buy books and educational games and materials. After all those needs have been met, we also need money for special school projects and to renovate our school yard.

I give about 35 hours a week to this cause but if you count the hours I spend thinking about it, it’s probably more like 80.  Nearly 40% of our kids drop out of high school in my area, I’m working really hard to find solutions and to provide our school with everything they need to make school a stimulating and fun environment. I’m also on 6-7 parent committees. Needless to say, I am extremely dedicated to this cause. I’m more than happy to give my time. It makes me feel like I am doing something to make the world a better place for my son and for his generation.

To be honest, I should be working. I should be building my business and making money. I’ve been in business for 6 years now and although I’ve achieved my goal of being at home with my son, I can’t say that I’ve achieved total financial success.  Why? Beacuse I live to help and I’ve always measured success in terms of the number of people I help rather than how much money I earn.   I give my time, my energy, my voice, my art,  my ideas and I help my clients in any way I can and most of the time, I do it for free because it makes me happy.

I’ve built wealth for my clients, but haven’t set that goal for myself (yet). I don’t know why I do that, I mean, I have bills to pay like everyone but it feels right to me. Actually, I do know when this started for me. I worked in IT and made bags of money till my boss told me he owned me AND my time.  I’ve been practicing voluntary simplicity ever since.

Like many of you I give, but I have a very hard time receiving.

Fast forward to this morning. I get home after serving breakfast and after a quick meeting with the Principal about my latest fund raising idea and I log into my Gmail account.

Sitting there is this shiny, golden email from Google.

I gave away my Google Wave invite. ;-(

It’s an invitation to try Google Wave. Now, if you’re not a geek , you are probably asking what the heck  Google Wave is. Google Wave is a revolutionary new way of communicating and collaborating online. Ony 100 000 people in the world have been invited to use it and test it out.  I was one of them.

My heart started racing and my vision started to blur when I saw the email.  Seems silly, I know. But I am a total closet geek and I’ve been hoping to get an invite for months. You have to understand that I have been in love with Google since I discovered their existence in 99 at a search engine conference in New York.  That one meeting with them totally shaped my career for the next 10 years.

My first thought was : Oh. My. GOD!!! I’ve been chosen to try Google Wave. Pinch me. I just couldn’t believe it. I had been picked out of the hundreds of thousands of people who want in. My name was chosen?!?!?

I was stunned. Shocked. Excited. Thrilled. Jumping up and down.I had some serious heart palpitations and I was so excited because I knew I could then invite other people as well.

Out of nowhere, doubt crept into my mind.

Why would Google choose me? I’m just a geeky mom who used to work in IT. It’ cant’ be a legitimate email. What if it’s a scam… ??

I started googling to see if I could find an example of a legitimate email. I couldn’t. I twittered. I asked left and right.

“Can this be real? Was I really chosen?” How can this be? Why should I deserve such a gift?

I couldn’t find an answer. Couldn’t reach a Googler somewhere who could confirm if I had really won the Google wave invite lottery. In a moment of sheer stupidity,  I posted a message on the Google Wave Forum and pasted the entire content of my Google Wave Email. All. OF. IT, including the link to my invite.Didn’t think twice about it.

One person responds a few minutes and says it looks like the real deal to him. I’m suspicious. He could be lying to me… how does he know if it’s real… he doesn’t work at Google. Negative thoughts clutter my mind.

A second person chimes in and says it looks legit. He tells me I am so lucky to get an invite and asks if I can send him one.  I’m still doubting this is the real deal. I move on to other sources… I’m trying to prove this is a scam. I’m now convinced that I couldn’t possibly have received a Google wave invitation.

After searching for a while and finding nothing, it begins to dawn on me that this could very well be a legitimate invitation. I open my gmail account and stare at the invite in disbelief and then click on the link.  It brings me to this page http://wave.google.com/help/wave/closed.html

And then, it hits me like a ton of bricks. This WAS a legitimate email. The page is no longer active. Wave/closed.html.

I start to kick myself when I realize that someone from the Google help forum has clicked on the link I posted and has taken my invite.

My heart sinks and breaks. I HAD been chosen. But I lost my chance. Opportunity knocked but I closed the door AND  gave MY KEY to a stranger.

I call my husband at work and I start to cry. I’m not crying because I lost my google wave invite. I’m sure I’ll get one sooner or later.

I’m crying because I know that I have a habit of rejecting the gifts that the Universe sends my way. I give and give but I can’t seem to accept. I don’t feel worthy enough. I doubt and get suspicious when people try to give me things. I refuse payment for my work and my time. I’ve been doing this my entire life. This is why I am crying. This is why I am heartbroken. I need to learn how to open up and accept what the Universe brings to my doorstep.

___

A few hours have passed. I’m ok again. After all, it wasn’t a really big deal.  Still have my health. Still have a wonderful family, great friends and a comfortable home. Now, I feel grateful for the lesson I learned today. The Universe really is conspiring to shower me with blessings… The Universe showers us all with blessings big and small. It’s important to give. But it’s also important to receive with an open heart and with humble,  intense gratitude.

Are you ready to receive? I am.

I’ve printed the Google wave email invite. It is now on my wall and will serve as a reminder to stay positive and focused and open to the gifts life has to offer. I deserve them too.

Blessings

Yanik

If you enjoyed reading this, please pass it on. Warm thanks.

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